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going to sleep mad

Stop Going to Sleep Mad: The Ultimate Guide to Dealing with Conflict

Do you find it challenging to end a fight with your partner? Do arguments often seem to escalate instead of de-escalate? Are you afraid of going to sleep mad because you’re afraid that the unresolved tension could result in one of you sneaking out of bed or staying away from your partner for the rest of the night?

If so, you’ve come to the right place! Unfortunately, there are tons of articles out there that tell us why we should never go to sleep angry. In fact, that advice is only giving us a false sense of security.

You see, while it can be unwise to stay mad at your partner or spouse and risk not seeing them again until morning…It’s almost always much worse to go to sleep with unresolved conflict.

What Does Research Say About Going to Sleep Angry?

Research on couples therapy is mixed when it comes to whether it’s best to try to work out your issues before you fall asleep.

In some studies, couples who try to resolve their conflicts before they fall asleep report that they are less wound up the next day and have better overall sleep.

On the other hand, other research suggests that couples who try to address issues before bedtime often find that they are too exhausted to make progress the next day.

So which approach should you take? The truth is, it depends on your relationship, how wound up you are, and other factors.

The best course of action depends on the factors unique to you and your partner and how you and your partner are feeling on the specific day.

When It’s Okay to Go to Sleep Angry

There are some times when it’s okay to go to sleep angry. If you and your partner are going to be working on a big project for work that you need to be at the office early for the next day.

Or you might be spending the night with a relative who has a nasty disposition, it can be okay to stay mad. You’ll want to take a few precautions, though.

First, you’ll want to make sure that you’re not staying up all night angry without sleep. The excess adrenaline that comes from anger can leave you feeling exhausted while making it harder to get to sleep.

If you’re going to be staying up late because of work, you’ll also want to make sure that you’re eating a snack and drinking water throughout the day so that you can avoid becoming too depleted to sleep at night.

Ways That Staying Up All Night Can Be Worse Than Going to Sleep Mad

Here are some of the ways that staying up all night can be worse than going to sleep mad: - You start arguments in the middle of the night just to avoid going to sleep.

These arguments are typically much more intense than arguments that occurred during the day.

You end up staying up because you’re still wound up and mad. If you stay up because you’re still mad and not because you’re just trying to avoid going to sleep, you’re going to be much less productive when you go to bed.

You end up staying up all night because you’re trying to work out a bigger issue. If you stay up because you want to talk through an issue and get things resolved, you’ll end up staying up all night because that doesn’t happen.

Strategies for Dealing with Ongoing Conflict

When you and your partner have ongoing conflict, you’re probably going to find yourself going to sleep angry at least once a week.

The best way to combat this is to develop a strategy for dealing with it. Here are two strategies that might work for you:

Divide and Conquer: A popular method of dealing with ongoing conflict is to split it up into different issues and focus on one at a time to reduce stress.

So you and your partner might decide that the biggest issue you’re dealing with is being tired and needing to sleep.

Once that is dealt with, you and your partner might move on to the next biggest issue.

Talk it out:  Another strategy that can help you deal with ongoing conflict is to simply talk it out.

In fact, studies show that couples who talk things out before they go to sleep are less likely to wake up angry in the morning.

Set a Deadline for Resolution and Stick to It

If you want to go to sleep angry, you need to stay up all night to make that happen. However if you want to go to sleep with a resolution, you need to set a deadline for that resolution.

If you and your partner agree on a deadline for resolution, you’ll have a goal for what you need to deal with.

For example, maybe you can’t go to sleep until you and your partner have talked through why you’re arguing and what you want from the relationship.

It can be helpful to set a deadline for resolution even if you don’t think that you have ongoing issues that need resolution.

For example, you can set a deadline for finishing tasks on your to-do list or for opening that letter that you’ve been meaning to open for weeks.

Write Down Why You’re Arguing and What You Want Out of the Discussion:

This is a strategy that works well for couples who are trying to resolve ongoing conflict.

It can also be helpful if you want to go to sleep with a resolution and you want to make sure that you write it down.

Write down why you’re arguing and in what context you’re arguing. Make sure to go into detail so that you can address any assumptions or misperceptions that you may have about your partner’s motives.

Once you’ve written down why you’re arguing, you can move on to what you want from the discussion.

It can be helpful to write down what you want even if you don’t think you have an ongoing issue.

For example, if you’re arguing about who should drive the kids to an event, you might want to write down that you want to go and what you want to do when you get to the event.

Practice Self-Care Beforehand so That You Can Stay in the Room Instead of Running Away From Conflict

A final tip for dealing with ongoing conflict is to make sure that you’re staying in the room and talking through issues instead of running away from them.

You can do this by setting aside time each day to talk through issues and make sure that you’re staying in the room with your partner.

When you make self-care a priority and make self-care a priority before you go to sleep, you can make sure that you’re in the room with your partner and that you’re staying in the room with your partner instead of running away from them.

Robert Frontier

Robert Frontier

Getting quality sleep is important to people of all ages and is just one of many areas of our health we need to be maintaining. When I was younger, I didn’t understand that my health was my greatest asset and took it for granted. I have spent the last twenty years of my life in the pursuit of a healthier life style. I am a parent, grandparent, author, and entrepreneur. My desire is for you and your family to get the best possible sleep and that starts with quality sleep products. Welcome to VJ Pillow.

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